If you asked me 6 months ago what was in store for my future, I probably could have given you some long realistic-but-somewhat-fairy-tale story. So blind to everything else. So blind to think maybe God had another plan for me. Things were going my way again, I was "in control" and I was happy. I think.
Then bam. Once again, the floor beneath my feet was torn out from underneath me. The anxiety that dwelt in my heart in a "previous life", kicked its way back in. That feeling that I didn't have any control. So what can I do? When I really think about it, I cannot help but laugh at my attempts to take control. For example, dying my hair red as opposed to my dark brown and getting contact lenses. LOL! Just typing that made me chuckle. Don't get me wrong, I love my red hair, but it is just funny to think that I do all this without realizing that subconsciously I do it to feel like I am in control.
Despite my many efforts to take control, I am reminded, time and time again, that ultimately, we are not in control. There was one day, a couple weeks ago when it was really bugging me. My whole drive to work that morning, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I wondered what was going to be the next big chapter of my life. While I drove in my regular daydreamy-trance-like way, I prayed and prayed that God would take this fear of the future away, that He would help me to be patient and to just live for today. To put my focus on what mattered in that moment.
That prayer kept going through my mind as I walked through the icy cold weather from my car to the school doors, as I walked down the dark hallway to my classroom, as I turned on my computer, as I pulled out my breakfast, and as I pulled out my devotional. And low and behold, what was that devotional called that morning?... "Trust." As I read that title in my head, it sounded more like "TRRRUUUUUSSSSTTTTTT!!!!" I am going to share that devotional with you because I cannot even begin to summarize it. And, I bet that you will find some comfort in it as well, no matter what your life situation is at this moment.
Despite my many efforts to take control, I am reminded, time and time again, that ultimately, we are not in control. There was one day, a couple weeks ago when it was really bugging me. My whole drive to work that morning, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I wondered what was going to be the next big chapter of my life. While I drove in my regular daydreamy-trance-like way, I prayed and prayed that God would take this fear of the future away, that He would help me to be patient and to just live for today. To put my focus on what mattered in that moment.
That prayer kept going through my mind as I walked through the icy cold weather from my car to the school doors, as I walked down the dark hallway to my classroom, as I turned on my computer, as I pulled out my breakfast, and as I pulled out my devotional. And low and behold, what was that devotional called that morning?... "Trust." As I read that title in my head, it sounded more like "TRRRUUUUUSSSSTTTTTT!!!!" I am going to share that devotional with you because I cannot even begin to summarize it. And, I bet that you will find some comfort in it as well, no matter what your life situation is at this moment.
Trust
"Trust in Me with all your heart and mind, and do not leave on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Me and I will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6) Such complete and utter confidence in Me has been your goal for years, but you continue to struggle with this. The main culprit is your mind's ravenous appetite for understanding, fueled by a strong desire to feel in control of your life. You want to trust Me wholeheartedly, but you feel stuck.
Beloved, your desire to rely on Me wholly is a worthy goal. Now also believe that I am providing training through your life experiences, and that many of the difficulties your encounter are designed to help in this endeavour. Allow Me to do this supernatural work in your heart.
The Holy Spirit will help you think trusting thoughts, but He requires your cooperation. Instead of relying on your understanding to help you feel in control, ask My Spirit to control your mind. Then wait confidently to see the results. As you look to Me--trusting Me, talking with Me--I straighten out the path before you. "
(taken from Jesus Lives: Seeing His Love in Your Life- Sarah Young)
Now how amazing is that? You can just picture my jaw dropping to the floor in that moment. Not the mention the tears that welled up in my eyes as I sat there just staring at that page, as my cereal began to get soggy, thinking "Wow!" I have turned back to that page many times since, just to remind myself time and time again: Trust, trust, trust!
God is bigger than us, bigger than any situation that gets thrown our way. He can handle anything. He will just pick us up off the floor and carry us along, helping us all the way. Someone once showed me this quote, "God will not protect you from things that He will perfect you through." Our futures may look cloudy to us, but to Him its crystal clear. We are on our way to perfection! And me, well I just can't wait!
-Jenna
-Jenna
Good for you Jenna. I'll look forward to seeing where this takes you and where you take us and where God takes all of this. I appreciate your honesty and your ability to show your vulnerability
ReplyDeleteLove it! And loved that devotional chapter! Thank you for sharing it with me the other day :)
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