Forgiveness.
Don't you love it when someone forgives you? When someone shows you that grace? When you remember how God has forgiven you for the many things you have done wrong? It is beautiful, isn't it? It's so easy to love forgiveness when you are the one being forgiven.
But what about when you are on the other end? The one who has to show grace? It's not so easy to love forgiveness when you have to be the one to give it.
It is probably one of the hardest things to do in the world. I like to think of myself as someone who forgives easily. But sometimes I wonder, did I actually forgive them? Or am I just saying I did so that I feel better and they feel better? Like I said before, I hate hurting people. So if I tell people they are forgiven then they don't have to feel bad anymore. But sometimes, I still feel angry. So did I actually forgive?
I recently read a devotional by Mike Donehey (lead singer from Tenth Avenue North). It was about forgiveness and it was based on their song, "Losing." (Scroll down to the very bottom of this post to see the video and hear the song)
Forgiveness is so hard because it is losing.
"To forgive someone you do have to lose. Whenever there's injury, someone has to live with the pain, and to forgive means you accept it, and the offender goes free. Even though you're not at fault, if you're going to turn the other cheek, you have to absorb the pain so that you don't turn around and inflict the one who hurt you." (Mike Donehey)
When you forgive you are giving up your right to be bitter. There was this time, someone told me to just get over something and forgive. I remember saying in anger, "Just let me be mad for a minute!" But I wanted more than a minute. I wanted to dwell on that. I wanted to talk about it for a while. I wanted to bash that person. I wanted that person to feel as low as I did in that moment, whether they knew what I was saying or not. But is that beneficial to anyone? Would Jesus do that? Imagine if He were to dwell on our sins. We would never be forgiven. By the time He would be "over" what we had done, we would have messed up again.
We don't want to be the bigger person. We don't want to give up the fight and let it go. We don't want to give up our privilege to be bitter. But that is not beneficial either.
I think bitterness is the ugliest emotion ever. Bitterness is the emotion you feel when you think you are better than someone else. "I could never do what they did to me, to someone," you may think. But really? I know I do it. Maybe even subconsciously, but I still do it.
I hate when I feel bitter. And I went for many years feeling bitter. And when you let that bitterness go, it is amazing. The weight that comes off your chest. Does it mean that I have forgotten what that person did to me? No. I probably won't ever forget. When I see that person, I will remember. But what I have forgotten is the hurt I felt. I know I felt hurt then, but that same hurt doesn't break my heart the same way it did that day and the days that followed.
But if I continue to be bitter, I am going to live a lonely life. I won't see the joys in life. All I will see is the negative. And people get sick of bitter people after a while because it is not uplifting. And the person that hurt me, will they even realize that I am this way "because" of them? Probably not! So what is the point? The best way to deal with it, is to absorb it and "rob your enemy."
"But friend, if Christ said to forgive the very men who drove nails through his wrists, and the same power that flung Him from the grave lives in us, then surely, surely He can give us the power to lose, so that our aggressors weapons are rendered useless. Rob your enemy of their ability to offend you, by gladly taking the full brunt of their attack. It is then, and only then, that hostility is defeated and love conquers death." (Mike Donehey)
I know it doesn't sound easy. Because it isn't. But Christ never said it would be easy. It sure wasn't easy for Him. He had to lose too. He had to be humiliated publicly. He had to suffer. And really, He was thrown on a cross for us, nails driven into His hands and feet, a crown of thorns piercing through His skull. Since He underwent all this to forgive us, doesn't that belittle the suffering we experience when we forgive?
When I say "we," I literally mean we. I am talking to myself right now too. This Wee Little Bird has a lot of forgiving to do herself. If I really think about it, everyday I struggle with forgiveness. I let bitterness creep into the dark parts of my heart. I want to give that "bad driver" a piece of my mind. I want to call my phone company and yell a little bit for the mistake they made on my phone bill. I want to lose it on my sister for wearing my clothes. It is a daily struggle.
We need to just take a breather. Take a step back. Count to 10 or whatever. Remember the grace that God has shown us. And reflect that grace in our every day lives. And maybe it will come around full circle. Maybe you will forgive someone who has wronged you today and maybe one day you will be shown that same grace when you make a mistake.
So there you have it my dears. We have two options: forgiveness or bitterness. Either way we are going to lose, so why not pick the same option Christ chose for us?
Jenna
xo
P.S. I don't think this is over. There may or may not be another forgiveness post in the future.
P.S.S. I would love to hear your feedback. :) If you have a moment, respond with your thoughts on forgiveness. Discussion is always welcome around here.
