I think of her almost every day. I think of her more now than I did before she was gone and I think of her more than I did before she even got sick.
I think of her whenever I paint my toenails, particularly if I paint them red.
I think of her whenever I wear flowery sandals.
I think of her whenever I see a red Saturn on the highway.
I think of her whenever I eat a Scotch Mint.
I think of her whenever I sit behind that lady in church with the long white/grey/blonde braid.
I think of the way her eyes disappeared when she smiled. And how she always had to give us a wet kiss when she saw us. The way she used the phrase "Good Night" as a term of frustration.
6 months ago my family buried our beloved Grandma Horsman. She hadn't been feeling good for years but was diagnosed 8 months prior with pancreatic cancer.
My Grandma was amazing. I always loved my Grandma but since she got sick I realized just how special she really was. She was a knitting-queen. She could and would knit just about anything and everything. Every time there was a new baby born in her church, she would be knitting that baby something. She would fix the holes in our socks. If you had a favourite animal, she might just knit you a sweater with that animal on it. Or maybe that sweater might be 2 sizes too big because she was too excited about it to measure you first and well, too big is better than too small. But you never would tell her that because you know she put so much love and effort into it. And you will keep that sweater forever. Everything she knit had a tag that read, "Made with love by Grandma Horsman."
She was something special. She showed love to everyone. And she forgave when it seemed impossible.
I can still imagine her voice, her smell, her face. I don't want to forget any of it.
It hurts my heart to know Grandma won't be there to see me walk down the aisle in April. But when I got engaged in September, I thought about her and I could hear her voice so clearly in my head. I could imagine her voice getting all excited for me and all the questions she would have asked. And I'm so scared that there might be a day where I won't be able to remember it with such clarity.
And it makes me sad that there are all these great-grand-babies that won't remember that Grandma that we knew. And that Caroline, or any other new great-grand-babies that come along, never even got a chance.
But I am grateful for the time I got with my Grandma. And I thank the LORD that Josh got to meet Grandma too so that one day when I tell our kids about her, I won't have only my own memories to go by.
Sometimes I wonder what she is doing right now. And a part of me wants to think she is looking down at us. But I know that she has better things to do. She is rejoicing with Jesus in heaven. Free from her pain and suffering. And as Becky said in the eulogy, probably knitting Jesus a sweater. :)
Evelyn Horsman (nee vanHuisstede)
January 8, 1944- May 19, 2014