There is something to be said about jumping out of your comfort zone and doing what you never thought you could. Let me begin by telling you about the very first session we had together.
I walked into that church full of nerves. I almost talked myself out of going many times. Satan attacked my thoughts and told me I wasn't good enough for this. I was too young. I was too inexperienced. I don't have a "good" testimony. I don't want to share. But I fought it and I jumped in.
I didn't know a single soul. I figured hey, maybe I can play a little Dutch bingo and make a connection with someone. Those typical connections never happened. The only, and the most important, connection I made with these ladies was our love for the same Man: Jesus.
Weeks before I had even heard about this Bible study, I struggled with knowing God's will for me. I wanted to know what He was saying to me. I wanted to know how to hear Him. Then one day, I stumbled across this Bible Study. We were going to be studying a book called "Discerning the Voice of God", by Priscilla Shirer. How perfect. God had spoken.
That first session, we dove into scripture and talked about what we would be learning and what we already knew about God speaking to us. I don't know about you, but I have lived a lot of my life believing that God didn't speak to me. I am just a wee little lady. I am young. I am not that wise. I am not a minister. I am not a prophet. But this study was telling me the opposite. God doesn't speak to us the same way He spoke to Moses or Elijah, but He does speak to us through many means.
That whole first day, I just sat there. Quiet. Not saying a word. I introduced myself. Told them where I was from, that I was a teacher and that I came from a family of 5 outrageously close sisters. And I thought well that's enough. I don't need to share more.
We still had about half an hour left in our time together when the leader said, "Ok. For the rest of our time here, we are going to pray in our small groups. Instead of talking to one another about what is going on in your life and your heart, just say in a prayer to God." Instant panic ran over me. I cannot pray in front of these people. Maybe you do not believe me. Yes, I pray in front of my students. Yes, I pray on my own. But in front of 5 ladies that I don't even know? What if I say the wrong thing? What if they think I am praying for silly things? We were sitting at a round table and it turned out that I would be the last one to pray. The whole time those ladies were praying aloud, I was praying inwardly for God to give me the words to say. Lord, it doesn't need to be long. Just let me get this over and done with without making a fool of myself. But as it got closer and closer to my turn, this peace came in my heart. I still hadn't planned what I would say, but there was this peace. And suddenly, it was my turn. And I cannot even comprehend what came over me. Suddenly, these words came out of my mouth. And they just kept on coming. I opened up, I spouted out things that I didn't even know I was thinking. Tears streamed down my cheeks.
(Side note: Have you ever cried with your eyes closed while wearing non-waterproof mascara? Yeah, not cool. Your eyelashes practically glue shut. When that prayer was done, I practically had to pry my eyeballs open. When I looked in the mirror later, my eyelashes had become one. One big clump on each eye. Pretty.)
When I opened my eyes. I looked at the lady beside me. And she gave me this look. A look that no one has ever given me. A look that made my heart swell. It was this look of love and knowing. She grabbed my hand and said, "Jenna, tell me your story." So there I went, telling her my whole life story. About my preconceived knowledge of God and how He worked and my journey with Him in the last year. When I was done and my tears stopped flowing. She said, "Jenna, I want to pray for you. Ladies, let's take a minute to pray for Jenna and what she is going through." And that whole table bowed their heads in prayer and prayed over me. For me.
I have never had anyone pray like that for me. I have never seen anyone love a stranger like that. My heart overflowed. So did the tears. It was the most beautiful and humbling experience. And I will never forget it.
From that moment on, I never missed a single Bible Study session. I have been up til 2am the night before for a girls' night at my cousins and got up bright and squirrely to go. I have bailed other plans just so I wouldn't miss it.
The things I have learned. My views on God and His Word and His love for me has taken a complete turn. I have fallen in love with the LORD all over again. I just cannot get enough of Him. He has spoken straight into my heart. He has made a "new thing" (Isaiah 43:19) and that new thing is in me.
I have learned to get out of that comfort zone. And it was uncomfortable and it was a battle field in my mind. But it is the very best thing I have ever done. And I don't regret it for the world.
Next week is my last week in this specific study and I am sad that it is coming to an end. But the greatest thing is that it will never be over. His love for me is everlasting. And my love for Him and His Word just keeps on growing. There is no turning back now.
The winter study begins January 11. Will you to join us? :)
Jenna
xo
The winter study begins January 11. Will you to join us? :)
Jenna
xo
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